Mother's Day

I love being a mom and I couldn't have asked for better kids. They make being a mom fun and fulfilling. I can't believe how big they are getting. Although I post a lot of photos on this blog, I wish I stopped to record all the small daily things that make me laugh and fill my heart. 

Karis is maturing so much. She has come out of her shell (and still continues to do so). For those that don't see her on a regular basis, they see her as shy, but at home she's posing in front of the mirror or admiring all the silly faces she can make. She loves to dance around and be the center of attention. I love the way she shrugs her shoulders and puts her hand to her mouth as she's telling me something funny that happened at school. I love talking to her and getting a glimpse of her heart. 

Makena has become her own person instead of just copying Karis. She is silly and sweet and acts before she thinks. She has the biggest heart for her little brother and the dog -- she cares for them deeply. She chooses the strangest words, in the craziest order, when talking to me. I have the hardest time trying to understand her. It frustrates me on some days and some days, I just look at her and think she is the cutest thing in the whole-wide world! I love when she gives me a hug and tells me, "You're the best mother I ever had."

I'm having a hard time letting Kyle grow up because to me that means no more babies and toddlers in our home. He's still in his crib and I'm okay with that. We're waiting for a friend to give us her son's car bed. I told her no rush! He has just shown signs of being ready to be potty-trained, but I keep asking myself if I'm ready for it.  I love the way he calls his blanket "blank-blank" and cantaloupe "cantaloop", the way he says "o-tay", and when he says, "That feels better." when I scratch his back. I love that he lets me hug him and cuddle him and tickle him. He has the best giggles. 

Karis spent so much time making me cards for Mother's Day. She made two and couldn't decide which one to give me. She decided to give me one on the day of the Mother's Day Tea and one on Mother's Day. Makena sat down several times to make me a card but always ended up making something for Daddy instead! 

Mother's Day Presents

I love the things the kids make at school. Below are the presents I received for Mother's Day. 

Makena knows me well! When asked what mommy likes to do, she said "go to sleep."

The photo Kyle is holding was taken on his first day of preschool. He's grown so much!

A Long Week, Ridden with Guilt

I can't believe it's only Thursday. It's been a long week. Derek and I have been feeling a lot of guilt concerning Karis. First a little background. We took Karis to the dentist about ten months ago. She had a great check-up. Unfortunately, we didn't know and the dentist didn't tell us that Karis has tight teeth and that we should be flossing her teeth every day. Fast forward to about a month ago and Karis starts complaining of her teeth hurting on the left side. We took her to a dentist and found out she has six cavities. Yes, SIX in her tiny mouth, all due to not flossing (the cavities are on the edges of her teeth). We didn't feel comfortable with the dentist we went to, so we started asking for referrals and trying to get a second opinion. All the while, Karis is now complaining of her teeth hurting on the right side. The dentist we went to was not working with us to quickly get copies of our X-rays and the process was taking longer than we would have liked. Karis continued to complain about her teeth hurting.

As we're working on getting Karis' teeth fixed, Karis develops two bumps on her fingers. 

We noticed it last Thursday, the same day we hear about Hand-Foot-Mouth (HFM) disease spreading around preschool. Derek looked online and learned that the bumps from HFM doesn't look like the ones Karis had. I took some photos of her fingers and Derek asked his pediatrician friend what it could be. 

On Sunday, Karis develops a couple bumps on her lips. On Monday, Derek's friend says it's probably a form of herpes that she has and not HFM. I call our pediatrician that day and tell them about Karis' symptoms, HFM going around her preschool and a few bumps not characteristics of HFM. The nurse told me to treat it like HFM, let it run its course (5 to 7 days) and giver her Tylenol to ease the pain.  With each day, Karis is in more pain, eating less and has more sores in her mouth. This is a photo of just the start of it on Monday.

On Wednesday, she had sores all in her mouth, her upper lip was swollen and crusted with sores, she could barely open her mouth from sores in the corner of her mouth, and she had blisters on the outside of her lip. We took her to the doctor and got some medicine for her. Today it seems like her blisters are starting to dry out and she's been able to drink/eat more. 

We feel so bad we didn't act on it being Herpes last Thursday. We could have stopped it from getting so bad. It's such a helpless feeling having your daughter miserable in pain and not being able to do anything about it. She couldn't eat and she couldn't sleep. She has slept with Fluffy with two fingers in her mouth since she was six months old. The last few nights she has been going to bed crying for Fluffy (she can't hold him because it triggers her to put her fingers in her mouth). I hear her a few times each night crying in bed.

When it first started, I had Karis wash her hands frequently and asked her not to touch Kyle's toys. I resolved in my mind that the other two were going to catch it. But as I saw her in more and more pain each day, I tried harder to keep things clean and protect the other two. I'm praying and constantly wiping down toys, the toilet, sink, etc. The other two have not shown any signs but we're on the look out. If they do catch it, we can at least treat it early on. 

So of course Karis hasn't complained about her teeth hurting this week because she hasn't eaten anything solid. Who knows what condition her teeth are in now after not being able to brush all week and eating yogurt, applesauce, popsicles and ice cream. We have an appointment for her next Wednesday (the dentist won't see her until she's all better). Hopefully, we'll be able to get her teeth fixed and she'll be pain free in the mouth!

We're also sad that Karis is missing her last week at preschool. This week they reviewed and celebrated all that they learned. Today they had a bounce house, a movie and popsicles. I'm sad that she's missing the time with her teachers and friends. 

Oh, one last thing, just to put salt in the wound. Yesterday we got Karis' medication and the pharmacy put Tablespoon instead of Teaspoon on the medication and instructions. We gave Karis 3x what she was supposed to receive! Thankfully, the doctor and poison control said it wouldn't harm her. Perhaps, that sped up the healing process...

I Am Not Super Mom

The other day, I woke up so many times during the night for the kids (yes, for more than just the boy) that by morning, I was a wreck. Thankfully, Derek offered to take the girls to work with him so they could play in the indoor church playground while Kyle and I took a morning nap. When they got back, I was still tired but I was at least functional. After lunch, I wanted to go to Walmart  to return a couple things and buy a few things. It was nearing nap time and the girls had no desire to get back in the car. I bribed them with a lollipop as I usually do, and they happily escorted me to the store. 

I pushed my cart full of babies around the store and after checking out, we stopped by Customer Service for my returns. Behind me in line was an elderly lady and Makena got her attention by telling her she had a lollipop. They exchanged a few words about her wonderful lollipop and then the lady told me that I should have the word "Super Mom" across the back of my t-shirt. I laughed and thought, well having three kids in 3 1/2 years surely isn't qualification for being called a Super Mom. If she only knew what goes on at home.... 

This past week, the girls have challenged my patience and mothering skills like never before. I had to deal with the usual whining, tattle-telling and sharing issues, but on top of that, there's been pushing, lying, talking back, selfishness, blatant disobedience, unkind words, and plenty of attitude. Enough to make a mama go crazy! If I had kept my cool and handled each incident with grace, perhaps I would believe I was Super Mom. But, I failed miserably at every turn and I'm still trying to figure out how to deal with these issues as they arise. Who knows if I'm doing any of it right.

If anything, I think all moms are Super Moms -- no matter how many kids they have or how old they are. I know firsthand what we mamas do day in and day out. We all fail miserably at times, but we're trying our best for the love of our children. By God's grace, my children will grow up to be well-behaved, God-fearing people with joy in their hearts. I just have to trust that His grace will cover over my daily failures and continually pray for forgiveness, strength and wisdom. And hopefully one day the Lord will tell me, "Well done my good and faithful servant. You have done well with the children I entrusted you with." 

Today's Pics

It's been hard for me to get out of the house with all three kids.  I don't like to wake up Kyle from a nap unless I have to (like for church and gymnastics class), so there isn't much time during the day when one of the three kids isn't sleeping.  I am also limited as to where I feel comfortable in taking all three of them.  I don't usually take them to a big park or any grocery store where I can't fit all three of them in the shopping cart (thank goodness for Costco!).  

Kyle decided not to nap this morning and I was feeling pretty decent energy-wise so I decided to take the kids out.  We went to a craft store to buy some paint and brushes.  It was a quick in-and-out trip since I knew exactly what I was going to get, but we barely made it through the check-out line -- Karis and Makena had to show me every single kind of candy that was on the shelves. 

We then went to get frozen yogurt. It was lunch time, but I broke the rule and let them have a treat before eating their lunch.  They loved having their own cup that was filled with strawberry yogurt and mini-M&Ms.  

Poor Kyle didn't get any yogurt... he just got his plastic pacifier.  

After naps, I brought out the paint and they had a great time painting for the first time.  

One of Karis' picture she and I painted together.  

Embracing This Season

I resigned from work back in November and my last day of work was technically February 4.  I am still needed to finish up a large project at work, so I am working as a contractor one day a work for now, and on an as-needed basis in the future.  I no longer have health benefits with the company, but my hourly rate has increased.

This has become a transition period for me from working 20 hours a week to becoming a full-time mom.   Life has slowed down for me in a good way.  I am such a busy-body and a task-oriented person.  I am always picking up, tidying up and finding things to do around the house all day long (though I feel like my efforts are futile because the house is still a mess!).  I love when my calendar is full.  I thrive on crossing things off my To Do lists.  But lately, I have been more relaxed and have spent more focused time with the girls. 

I am challenging myself with keeping a long-term focus on raising our two girls.  I don’t want to get caught up in just meeting their daily physical needs.  For me that is so easy to do --  my whole day can be filled with doing laundry, cooking and cleaning.  But, I want to seize learning opportunities and model a life of godly character, especially now that Karis is getting older and can understand and perceive so much.  I have to admit that I fail miserably at times in trying to accomplish these things.  When I get into a “busy” mode, I turn to the TV to babysit for me.  In the late afternoon or evenings, I sometimes feel a blanket of tiredness come over me.  I can be so short with Karis and grace is nowhere to be found.  I ask for forgiveness from Karis and God, and hope that in my weakness there is still something positive for Karis to learn.   

Serving and being involved at church has always been a part of my life.  Since Karis was born, I have not been able to do much, if anything at all.  I miss it.  I understand that in this season of my life, my kids are my ministry, but I have been struggling the past few months with wanting to do more outside the home.  It wasn’t until last week when I heard a mom of teenagers talk about when her children were very young.  She was so involved in ministry that she felt like the church nursery was raising her kids.  She pulled back and spent more time at home and now she is reaping  the benefits.   She has a close relationship with them and they “rise up and call her blessed.”  (Proverbs 31:28)  It wasn’t until I heard that, that I was really able to release my desires to do more.   I’ve been finding my own ways to serve the church body.  It’s not showing up at church to do set-up or going to planning meetings, but rather watching people’s kids or baking something sweet for someone to enjoy.  It’s my way of ministering to others.  Serving has taken on a different look for me, but it is what fits in my season of life… and I accept that. 

I’m excited for this new chapter.  I know there’s a lot more for me to learn and experience.  My kids are growing up fast and I’m enjoying all the ups and downs of motherhood.  It’s been a great ride!

Here are some random, "real" pics of the girls in action.  The first one was taken a few months ago when Makena realized she was just tall enough to grab food off Karis' tray.  She is always looking for food!

Karis hates when Makena puts a toy in her mouth and makes it "yucky."

When we hear Daddy come home, I try to take one of the girls out to greet him.  On one of the days when Makena went out, she got to check out Dad's bike.  I think she thought she was really going to go for a ride ...  check out her toes!

Turning Another Corner

It seems as if things have been more enjoyable and a lot easier the last couple weeks.  I feel like I turned another corner.  The first corner was when Makena was 4-months old.  I was no longer in "survival-mode."  I finally felt like I had a routine and figured out how to juggle two kids.  At 6-months, Makena started sleeping 12 hours at night, so of course some good sleep made a huge difference in my days.  But their schedules were still demanding and it had me running around throughout the day.  From that point until now, I feel like time FLEW by.  I can't believe Makena will be turning one in two months.  Yikes!

Makena can now stay awake longer and her spitting up is finally under control.  More importantly, they both usually take two hour naps at about the same time in the afternoon.  Things are still busy, but at the end of my days, I'm more often than not, reveling at how much fun it was spending time with my girls, instead of being exhausted and so ready for bed.

Derek and I are enjoying this "breather."  It has been pretty intense the last few months to say the least.  Another big change is around the corner as my last day of working part-time will be February 4.  I will be a full-time mom!  I haven't yet decided if things will be easier or harder!  I know it will take some time to adjust to having more time and spending every day at home with the kids.  I have a few things planned that will probably fill up my week pretty quickly.  I'm also hoping to do some freelance work and to get back into baking.

Here are a couple pics of my crazy kids who keep me laughing and feeling so blessed.

Treasured

I joined an on-campus women's Bible study at church. These studies are where 100+ women come together to study a book/topic. Each person is assigned to a table with 6-8 other women, including a table leader, for the length of the study. We have a corporate time of worship, we listen to teaching , and then we discuss and share with our small group.

A few weeks ago, my friend asked me to join her table for this study specifically for moms of preschoolers. I had to give it some thought because I wanted to make sure I wasn't joining just for the heck of it. I wanted to be certain that 1) this study would be something that I could benefit from at this time in my life and 2) I was going to be fully committed, completing the homework, and attending every week. Participating in this study would also be a sacrifice since Karis would miss her morning nap (as would I) and then I'd have to deal with whatever that would result in for the rest of the day...

Today was the first day and I'm happy to say that I'm glad I joined. I'm in a great group of women with whom I'm looking forward to getting to know better.

During the time of worship, I looked around and saw so many mothers. And for the first time, I realized, "Wow, God really loves mothers." He delights in us. He created each of us for this role and He knows the importance, the value and the difficulties of being a mom. I was so overwhelmed by this realization and felt so loved in that moment.

My husband appreciates me and often verbalizes his gratitude for the things I do for our family. He even helps Karis to say thank you every once in awhile! It feels good to hear those things. It's also fun to banter back and forth with my mommy friends about motherhood and what our little ones are doing. But I have to say that nothing compares to the feeling of being completely loved and understood as a mother from our Heavenly Father. He knows the constant stream of thoughts that run through my head every day about my child. He knows my heart for my family. He knows my desires and intentions. He knows the tiredness of my mind and body. He knows how much it takes sometimes to do the simplest task. He knows each time I put my self aside. He knows. And He understands. And He loves us completely.

I have never felt as important and valued as I did today in my role as a mother. I hope I never forget that.